Continuous infrastructure monitoring meets automated SSL expiration tracking in Kuvasz, a self-hosted uptime platform that alerts DevOps teams before outages disrupt production operations. Operators can configure granular health checks across HTTP endpoints, ICMP ping targets, and raw TCP ports with custom polling intervals down to seconds. Automated SSL inspectors track certificate validity, issuing early warning notices before cryptographic chains expire and disrupt production traffic. A push monitoring system receives incoming heartbeat signals from background cron jobs, database backups, and recurring automation scripts, triggering alerts whenever expected pings fail to arrive on schedule. Multi-channel dispatchers route incident notifications through Slack, Discord, Telegram, Microsoft Teams, PagerDuty, and custom webhook payloads with adjustable failure count thresholds to eliminate transient false alarms. Maintenance windows let teams schedule planned downtime through one-off intervals or recurring cron expressions, automatically muting notifications during deployment cycles. Public and private status pages publish categorized system health metrics, historical latency charts, and incident timelines to keep internal stakeholders and end users informed. An integrated Model Context Protocol server allows AI assistants to query monitoring states and toggle checks directly via conversational interfaces. Running on a dedicated VPS on RepoCloud with guaranteed CPU, RAM, and SSD, full root SSH access, and a browser serial console. AGPL-3.0 licensed.